If you get tired learn to rest, not to quit
Banksy
Rule One: The first thing to acknowledge as a working parent during a global pandemic is that you must create your own rules of the road. In this way, you are constantly an entrepreneur, but sadly with none of the glamour that comes with being the master of your own destiny. The most important resource to hoard is your time, particularly time to yourself. It will be scant – maybe five minutes at the tail end of the day when the rest of the world has decided to cease demanding anything of you. You will wonder what you have done wrong to get to a point where you are fighting for five minutes of peace and the answer is nothing. All the same, the goal is to expand that pool of peace at your disposal so that you can eventually channel it into engaging in an activity that makes you feel like you again. But first, five minutes of peace with no one asking anything of you.
Rule Two: Outsource what you can and feel no shame. This is not the time to aspire to become Martha Stewart if you also have to be Mary Poppins, Melinda Gates, and Maria Montessori. Now that I’ve listed all these female role models out, I think you should also consider names that begin with “M” to maximize your child’s odds of achieving success and fame. Each family will have different risk tolerance levels during COVID-19. Some will allow nannies to commute on public transportation every day, others will insist on a live-in arrangement. If childcare is not something you need or wish to outsource, then the next Big Bang for your time is food preparation. Here, COVID-19 has a blessed upside as there are more and more former chefs out of a job in addition to a growing number of meal delivery services that come fully cooked. This is a travesty for culinary talent of course who would much rather be cooking in their beloved kitchens – I am not condoning sudden and widespread unemployment! I am merely stating that between the meal pickup options now available at restaurants, the meal delivery services, and professional chefs pivoting to personal chef models, there is relief on the food front.
Finally, the third pillar to consider outsourcing is cleaning. As I note in the resources section below, we get by on a once a month schedule, but our housekeeper has noted that other clients are requesting weekly cleanings (makes sense since we are home all the time and presumably mucking things up all the time). With a toddler afoot and an unpredictable meeting schedule, we cannot make a weekly or bi-weekly cleaning happen even though I would love to. Your finances and capacity to tolerate mess will inform your decision.
Rule Three: Audit your work tasks and determine where you have an advantage. You do not have to be good at everything, ever. And definitely not at work. But you must be good at a handful of things that set you apart from your colleagues. Identify those activities, go out of your way to do as much of those activities as possible so that you can’t be given assignments that don’t play to these strengths, and then market the hell out of these activities. Every time there is a staff meeting where a manager asks if anyone has anything else to share or gives the opportunity to talk about projects that haven’t already been discussed, beat your drum. It doesn’t matter if you are always giving the same update, in fact it might play to your advantage to do it so that people know you are the go-to person for that skill or subject.
Resources for families in NYC
Cleaning: Your local parents group will have recommendations for you regarding housekeepers and those are a great place to start. Another option is a cleaning agency. We found our beloved cleaner through Si Se Puede, a women’s cooperative in Brooklyn that charges living wage rates. Flor comes to us once a month which means if we are really in a bind, we can get by doing just two weekly cleans before she arrives (yes, gross, we might not clean for two weeks but on a daily basis we do our surfaces).
For those wondering about COVID-19 protection, we leave the apartment when she comes and she wears a mask when we’re around as it’s not always possible to be outdoors for the entirety of her cleaning time (usually on the order of 5-6 hours). We leave the windows open to the greatest extent possible and get out of her way for social distancing. Some families have two people come work on their apartment so that the cleaning time is expedited. This is actually a pretty neat solution for those who can’t be out of the house for too long because of young kids!
Food: You could get delivery all the time, but who wants to face decision fatigue up to three times a day? I like to peruse a menu, choose 4-5 entrees for the week, pay once, and be done with thinking about food. Already it feels like a huge time suck to plate three meals and prepare the sides three times a day, so I prefer the buy once and be done model.
Ipsa provisions is the new darling in our house with excellent frozen meals that require minimal work to reheat and serve. The taste is AMAZING (dare I say it? restaurant quality sometimes!), and we love that we can keep portions frozen so there’s no issue if we spontaneously decide to cook after a delivery has arrived.
Super Fine Tiffins is one of the tastiest meal delivery services we have tried and also probably the healthiest as the chef has overcome illness and dedicated her work towards ensuring that food heals.
Jennie’s Kitchen is a longstanding guest in our fridge with one of the most extensive menus of any food delivery service. She has breakfast items, snacks for kids, snacks for grown-ups, and a pantry section in addition to a regular rotation of entrees, both vegetarian and non-vegetarian. Jennie’s is the equivalent of a corporate cafeteria – some gems, a lot of mediocre food, but full bellies and no issues.
Childcare: Ha, the million dollar question and one we have avoided like the plague as in our heart of hearts, Mr. Action is going back to daycare as as practical (and definitely after the vaccine). Rather than mess around with nannies who typically seek at least 2 years with a family, this is the diciest area of our lives but also improbably, the safest we can get as we avoid having another body in our 900 sq. ft. apartment. For those seeking care in NYC, I’ve heard great things about Guidepost Montessori which and Beyond Care.
